Land of the Free, Home of the Shmuck
It’s been a long and difficult week; one that meandered and stuttered and hurt till it nearly bled. And, then, it ended. Mercifully, not without some good-ole, Grade-A, first class comedy from a group of people, places and/or things, whose name all begin with ‘S’…as in…’s Washington. In creating these random sketches, it’s become abundantly clear, as we cast a roving eye over the foibles and quirks of all the peoples of this great nation, that the true elephant in the room is the Government…in all its variants. So, once in a blue moon, FS will devote time to a piece reviewing some of the more incredible players in the constellation that makes up those who, for lack of a better description, drive this fucking bus. This week’s Rogue’s Gallery:
Sean Spicer: What can you say about a guy who’s short, screams a lot, curses, basically thinks ‘fuck you’ anytime someone in the press talks to him, and quit his job in a snit as Press Secretary to the Shmuck-in-Chief? I like him already. More important, he’s a dude so filled with the notion of self-importance that, during his brief career there, actually employed the aid of a White House colleague to help him heist a mini-fridge he coveted, but which rightfully belonged to a junior group of staff workers. Well, that round certainly went to Big Sean. But, now he’s been unceremoniously denied the right to even walk in the back door of the WH. Plus, he’ll have to sport his upside-down American Flag pin at someone else’s book-burning. That honor now belongs to another ‘S.’
Anthony Scaramucci: A name so romantic sounding, you want to puff out your chest, draw your foil and shout ‘One for All and All for Trump.’ Understand this, fellow shmucks, the new Communications Director at the WH is a…is a…no, he’s not a Muslim. He is a financier. Well, we have to figure, here is a person who can afford his own goddamned mini-fridge. A rich, white guy in the Administration. This is something we all thought would never happen. What, like it’s happened before? Oh. Scaramucci once tweeted in support of Hillary; his twittering also showed he believes in gun control, climate change, and humane forms of immigration law. What’s that you say? Believed? The tweets were just deleted? This is almost a guy you want to trust…except for the double-dealing, hypocritical bullshit and pretense of telling us that his overall worldview of things has evolved….
Sarah ‘I ♥’ Huckabee Sanders: If anyone fits the role of Press Secretary, or defender of bullies, it’s this WH employee, and past-current-future-daughter of Mike ‘NOT ♥’ Huckabee. She has mainly lurked in the shadows until the Comey shit hit the fan a while back. Then one day she stepped up to the mic. There’s not enough info on this one to do a slice-and-dice…yet. She has been a keeper of the flame, however, and personally FS can’t wait to see how the new PS deals with explaining the hourly mountain of manure produced by her boss. All you need to know for now, is most of her press briefings have been off camera.
Shmuck-in-Chief: Another stellar week for this genius. What can you say about a person whose meteoric rise to sit in the most famous oval office in the universe is overshadowed by his equally dramatic plunge into oblivion? For now, not much; not much. More to come. Hey, you broke it, you bought it. And, he’s got nothing on the true ‘S’ of the week….
Spinning Fucking Fidgets: As some funny old character-acting shmuck once exclaimed, “What in the wide wide world of sports is going on around here?” How the fuck should I know? A Spinning Fidget? A spinning fidget. I saw one given as a gift and thought, ‘what will they think of next, artificial intelligence?’ It’s just a novelty. Novelty my ass! This thing is pervasive and a bit subversive. It spins as you look at it; it’s probably sucking the brains out of our children as they pluckily play League of Legends. This is something the commies might have thought of back in the day, but now that they’re sleeping with Monsieur President, who knows what evil created this spawn. All I know is they’re everywhere. Amazon. All Battery.com. Oriental Trading. 4-imprint. And the most insidious placement – NBA Store.com. Go check ‘em out.