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You are Being Watched...And, You're Not Even Naked

It is not easy delivering news this way, but it sure as hell is fun. As a now-defunct, but classic, network television series once warned: ‘You are being watched…the government has a secret system…blah, blah, blah.” Watching compelling shit like this has been a formative influence in my life. Upon hearing the opening voiceover at the beginning of each episode, I would at first feign shock, then experience a sense of indignation, then one of cynicism, then I would be overcome by a wave of delusional paranoia, then simply laughed nervously at my reaction, after which I would get back to eating the casse-croûte de la nuit and return to watching the show. ‘FS,’ said the people viewing with me who really couldn’t give a shit, ‘you a real kook.’ By the way, the experienced emotions noted above are clinically known as five stages of being told you are being watched. They are not unlike Kübler-Ross’s widely accepted tome: The Five stages a Traveler Visits on his/her Journey to the Morgue, Upon Learning of her/his Impending Doom,” or something along those lines. You can’t make this shit up. And, the only difference I can see between both sets of ‘five stages’ is in one you keep twitching along until you get the death memo, and with the other you’ve already received it. In other words, it’s the same bullshit.

But, why does it have to be this way? Forgetting about death for a moment –which, by the way, is a nearly impossible task at this stage of life (forgetting, not getting ‘offed’) – let’s stick with the idea that we citizens of the USofA, are entirely blanketed by a seemingly impenetrable Bill of Rights. We have actually over the years figured out how to construct an umbrella, that is ‘penumbra’ – that’s right a penumbra – combining these rights to extend protection of privacy and confidentiality to us in all types of situations. From the courtroom to the press room to the bedroom, GODDAMNED RIGHT WE ARE ALL PROTECTED. Or so it seemed, so it seemed. Turns out we are being watched. Whoever thought that whilst we and our wee ones and not-so-wee-ones sit in innocence, a malevolent force is at work? While Baby Mario saddles-up that green prehistoric, albeit benign, thing with the flying wings and the ability to shit eggs that blow up stuff and creatures, a malevolent force journeys along with them, unimpeded through a myriad of passages, levels, and secret stages. What is this other ‘traveler?’ We’re not sure. In a cynical, seemingly-well-researched blog on electronics and gaming and other IT aspects, it is revealed that Google Play, either innocently or otherwise, opened the gates. Remember folks, in the USofA you are merely alleged to have committed that double murder and unless and until you are proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt, well, rock on. Let’s just say some evil asshole injected Android users with thousands of Spyware Apps over the past few months, spreading mirth and joy throughout the land. This clever bunch found a way to interject several of these spy bots into Google Play. Guess what happened? Google removed one of them…after up to 5000 downloads occurred. Harmless hijinks? Let’s put it this way, according to the blog, the apps are capable of providing message functions by using something anachronistically referred to as a FUCKING TELEGRAM! Hey, it’s just an app. That ain’t no app.

The spyware was christened ‘Soniac’ which, for my money, sounds a little too similar to ‘Braniac’ one of Superman’s original nemeses. So this one hits a little too close to home. Regardless, here is a newer, more sinister genius that supposedly has the ability to: ‘record audio, take phones, make calls, send text messages and retrieve logs, contacts, and information about Wi-Fi access points.’ Whaa???? Get off my property. Get off my lawn. They’re in my hair. You get the picture. Does the word ‘surreptitious’ have any meaning in this country anymore?

There is so much more to this story, but since we all have ADHD, I don’t want to write anymore and god knows you don’t want to read. Know this: Your privacy and confidentiality is now mythical. It’s been stripped from you by an invisible force created by some miscreants who travel unseen throughout the world. They just want to pick apart our lives, pick our pockets, and pick our brains. We the people…are being watched.


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