What's a Force Majeure, Daddy?
Surprising. You would think people of fair judgment would not view something like a major hurricane – one that ravages your home, your friends, the people you fucking can’t stand, their homes and friends, the people they fucking can’t stand, and so on and so forth – as the enemy . Why should they? A hurricane, akin to any other cataclysmic event is something that does not occur due to some nitwit with a gun, knife, IED, or bazooka-like object. It is what we benignly refer to as an 'Act of God'. It’s a force majeure, an act of nature, a natural disaster, unavoidable casualty, a vis major. It is not something from which you seek redress. Shmuck, you don’t get your money back. Get out of here before I take this double-barreled steel blast-piece and send your head rolling down Cole Street. Calm down. Calm Down.
And, any natural-occurring calamity cannot be held accountable due to inevitability. Such things occur because they already exist in the grand scheme of the natural world. You could say they are a certainty of the planet’s composition and the laws of physical nature. I did say that. Would you say that? Most people probably don’t say that. Instead, they whine and bitch about something they have no more control over than that 18-wheeler about to T-bone your Honda Fit because its driver failed to react to the goddamned stoplights that are still out due to the most recent act of god. So, maybe now you are thinking: ‘Hmmm, if we have to accept things we cannot control, surely there still exist things worth howling and groaning about?” And, fellow shmucks, there are. There is actually a ‘thing’ that preserves your inalienable right to get your knickers in a twist; to get pissed off and maybe even angry enough to say – especially if you’re U2 – that you are so fucking cancelling the St. Louis gig. No, Mr. Banks, it’s not about having to buy a package of 12 hotdog buns when there are only 8 hot dogs in its respective package. ‘Will no one rid me of these meddlesome priests?’ Thank you James Comey; special thanks to Jean Anouilh, from whom Comey filched the line.
OK, stop guessing. Turn your wrath on the serious viciousness and racism of your neighbors. No not you Jose; not you Maria. Actually, probably you too. Most definitely your enmity should be directed toward those fuckers who continue to acquit cops who kill brothers during a simple traffic stop. Well, as Judge Timothy Wilson kind of said:
What kind of self-respectin’ heroin dealer doesn’t pack a weapon? Something like that. And, juries are even worse. I happen to like cops; used to defend them in court. Those I did were human beings and they usually knew it. They did stupid human tricks, and engaged in all forms of human shmuckery when they weren’t protecting the citizenry, but there was one thing they did not do. They did not take their service revolver and blow away a human sporting a skin color a shade or two south of white, and then plant evidence to support a fantasy, self-defense argument. No sir, they did not. In a world gone mad, that is no act of god. The Missouri judge’s “agonizing” decision to spring another white-cop-on-black-driver last week is the latest such event. Surely, this was more of the concentrated projection of one societal segment’s self-loathing onto another. Acts of fear that should have died so, so long ago. And, this most recent case merely samples the layers of bullshit and denial that have trebled over the past few years. This week alone, two shooters (yeah, cops) were found innocent in separate trials; a third ended in a ‘well hung’ jury...hey, the foreman thought so, I didn’t. This does not even account for other shocking murders, and subsequent cop-acquittals, including those in Ferguson, Chicago and Baltimore. In a sporting gesture, FS has inducted that motherfucker George Zimmerman into this hate club. Here’s a douche who offed a teen ‘cause he was wearing a hoodie. Since his moment of liberation by a jury most-definitely of his peers, this self-anointed vigilante has pulled guns on people, and was found packing a piece or two during stops that happened to end peacefully and in a just manner for him. For those of color in this land, your stop will likely end in tears.
Man-made forces majeure, baby.
[Breaking News: ‘Flew in from Miami Beach BOAC, blah-blah-blah…’ See you at The Abbey this weekend, fellow shmucks; FS is bringing his squeeze, along with the editor of this rag. Don’t get excited.]